The Precipice: Facing your fears

by Swami Vijay (Lawrence Vijay Girard)

Many years ago, while living at Ananda Village, I went with some of the monks on an afternoon trip to the Yuba River. It was a hot summer day and we thoroughly enjoyed the cooling effect of the water and the surrounding natural beauty. After a while, as young men are wont to do, we started to look for additional entertainment. When we spied a huge boulder that stood 20 feet above a deep pool of water it was clear what we had to do.

One at a time each of us climbed up the boulder to take our leap of faith. The thing that made what was about to happen noteworthy is that instead of jumping, like a normal crazy person would do, the first fellow dove into the water head first. Even though we knew the water was deep enough, diving from such a height is not an everyday experience for most people, so it is natural that there would be a certain amount of trepidation.

We can all imagine that moment when you arrive on the edge of any precipice in life and face your fears. People of all ages have laughed at the hesitation of others and then found themselves struck motionless with fear when they meet that moment. It is easy to understand hesitation when it comes to physical challenges, but this same circumstance is also present in mental challenges: like when you need to give someone bad news, or make a career effecting presentation, or break off a personal or business relationship. Even more dramatic are those moments when we arrive at the precipice of a spiritual challenge.

Spiritual challenges come in all sizes and shapes. They each arrive with their own combination of mental, physical and spiritual ramifications. What I want to explore now is that moment when we are presented with our challenge, how do we react?

Do we feel fear, tense up, shrink away, hesitate, resist, complain, or drawn in upon ourselves? Or do we relax and open ourselves up to the moment?

When it was my turn to dive off the rock that day I stood there for quite a while, looking down at an always uncertain fate. I had experienced this many times during years of surfing. This moment when we step towards our fears, is truly a sacred moment. As I stood there savoring the feeling one of the monks called up to see if I was okay. He thought I had frozen. It made me smile. And then I dove.

Some years later I had a dream in which I was laying asleep in bed when an earthquake struck. In my dream I realized there was an earthquake and found that the ceiling of the building was collapsing down on me. There wasn’t time to escape. I just laid there in bed and watched the ceiling fall. When the ceiling hit me I woke up.

This dream reoccurred several times over a period of years. Gradually I began to realize I was in the dream before it ended. So I would consciously enter into that moment when the ceiling collapsed and I would inwardly embrace it.

And so it came to pass one day that I was visiting the Ananda Palo Alto community for the first time. I had traveled down from Ananda Village to videotape a talk that Swami Kriyananda was giving, so I spent the night in one of the unoccupied apartments. As everyone in California knows, earthquakes can arrive at any time. In the middle of that night I began to feel a shaking and assumed I was having the earthquake dream. So I just relaxed to enjoy the ride, only to discover that something new was happening. There was a deep rumbling sound that began to approach closer and closer at an alarming rate. I then realized that I was no longer sleeping. I opened my eyes to see only darkness and feel the whole room shaking while a roar that portended destruction seemed to resonate through me to the bone. I thought, “Wow, this is really it!” I placed my arms out to the sides like I was on the cross and gave myself up fully to the moment, thinking of God.

I seemed to float for some time in the intense vibrations of that timeless roar and then it gradually receded. I was still alive. It took only a few more moments for me to realize that someone should have told me about the train tracks that are just behind the property!

As yogis we seek freedom from the endless cycle of birth, death and rebirth. We want to merge the wave of our soul into the ocean of Spirit. Strangely, we spend years meditating, hoping something will happen, and then when it does we tense up inside and the moment passes. We find ourselves facing a potential life calamity and we are tempted to pray that it pass.

Swami Kriyananda has often told us about Ananda Moy Ma’s statement when he asked her advice concerning the greatest test in his life. She said, “See it as your Master’s grace.” Sister Gyanamata’s prayer was, “Change no circumstance in my life, change me.”

If we will start with the little irritations in life and see them as God’s grace, gradually we can work our way up to seeing all of life as part of God’s special journey through the creation that he is taking with us. Our journey is like no other. All of our life experiences, whether pleasant or unpleasant, are equal parts of the whole.

Practice taking everything in life into the inner silence, into the spine and up and out the spiritual eye. Feel that the energy of every experience is being offered up to the Divine. When we learn to let life flow through us in this way we will find that we become more detached from the senses and preferences of the mind. We can also use this flow of energy to focus our attention at the spiritual eye.

Over time we will begin to experience the awakening of waves of peace and joy rising up the spine. When this happens, allow yourself to relax into it.

If you think about it; planet earth is a dangerous place. Every time we step out the door and onto the streets we are at risk of injury and death. Yet as we grow up we trust that planes will stay in the sky and cars will avoid hitting us. Let us also begin to trust that God knows our life, our need, and our hearts. And in that trust we will find the easing of a great burden that we call loneliness and fear.

When the precipice of a life challenge finds you, greet it as you would a good friend. Embrace it with your whole heart and you will, no matter how things turn out on the outside, find inner freedom.

Copyright 2024 Lawrence Vijay Girard